The history of
los changos
The changos are born from the ashes of a global pandemic
Is it a surprise to anyone that a league with a captain that’s got more banned accounts than beard hairs (and trust me that’s saying something) was born as a result of the largest spread of human toxicity in the modern world?
That’s right, our nation was born thanks to the Covid-19 pandemic and we couldn’t be prouder to be the stains on the wall after the Covid-19 shit pandemic hit the global fan.
COVID-19 – March 2020
The pandemic hit harder than some Changos hit their girlfriends and boyfriends after losing 16 LP on a Tuesday lunch break. As a result of the lockdowns in March 2020 – the boys needed a new venue to unload all their internalized resentment and drunken rage. What better venue for such Common Marmusets than the spiritual and Buddha pick for zen game of the century – League of Legends. Some of the apes downloaded the game, started playing and one thing led to the next.
Los Changos Unchained is born on Whatsapp as the result of a drunken Saturday night. The boys had no idea it was possible to drink yourself into a blackout while sitting in a chair staring at a laptop. Can you believe that you can get on discord and chat with friends online as if they were right there drooling and mumbling beside you? These complete alpha African Silverbacks stumbled into the Garden of Eden while the rest of the world commenced their preparation for Armageddon. You don’t need salvation when you already know you’re dammed. The LoL reaper was here and the high-on-rabies mob had to spread the word, so naturally WhatsApp was the way to go.
Message Received from Founding Chango: Delivered to Founding Chango: 4:14am Saturday – sometime in 2020 – deep in the south eastern Amazon jungle:
“Hey mAn, weree arr gettig shitfased online. Tll Your girlfrnd to fukk oFf – grab a bttle of whisKy. Dwnload Leaage of Leg ends and I’ll add yuu to the gruup.”
What was just an outlet for the boys turned into an underground society of people looking to find company among the socially distanced. As the group grew, more and more people got online, until suddenly there were enough Hamadryads Baboons online to set up custom 5v5 matches. All Simians, no humans, just pride, hunger and the unsuspecting foundations of Los Changos hype train.
Death and taxes: the first casualty
April 2020
Let it be known that no dynasty has emerged from nothingness without sacrifice. None are more apparent to Los Changos than the infamous first 5v5 custom game. Held on a Friday night by the first 10 delinquents to find a stable enough Wi-Fi connection. MrTManJones (god bless his fragile soul) lost his top lane matchup to DrFingerBlast and with it his will to continue on as a Chango. The next day he announced his retirement from LoL. Rest in Paradise MrTMan, we know that carnivorous Mandrills like us are not lucky enough for peace. But we do hope you can find those benevolent chimp testicles that you lost somewhere on the rift and return to us in the future.
This is too shit not to post
Discovering that an underground network of League was growing, Geegeezy set out to see what was brewing deep in the Bwindi Impenetrable Forest of Uganada. Alcohol and video games? You guys are 10 years behind schedule! The Bornean Orangutans began playing 5v5 customs weekly. Not a single one of these Central American Howlers was good enough to avoid a report for inting in Bronze 4 – and this was exactly the type of atypical, half-a-chromosome-short League of Legends gameplay that needed to be reviewed, analyzed and casted for the general public. Above all, Geegeezy saw something that you can’t buy with money: he saw completely unfiltered, adulterer debauchery in its primal form. He discovered the missing link that over educated ‘scientists’ claim has been missing from the human evolutionary chain. Los Changos – distant cousins of the Neanderthals – needed to be displayed to the world. As such, Los Changos preseason games began – those games and their commentary can still be found deep in the Changos archives.
The invitational
February 2021
As the seasons came and went – the rise of Los Changos only continued to accelerate – Los Changos Unchained grew from 10 to 30 people. The average player increased their solo queue ranked standings by an average 46 LP in an efficient 12 months. Now we were ready for the real deal. A tournament, multiple teams, high stakes and the chance to find another ego fragile enough to quit because their jungler didn’t gank enough. MrTMan, I did what I could that day, I ganked 4 times in 10 minutes, but only you can miss a Q using Garen. The Los Changos Invitational Tournament consisted of 3 teams: Perogie Power, Diamond Hands and Dirty Birds. Needless to say the polish powerhouse demonstrated why you should be scared of anything that can drink 3L of vodka and still drive the party bus to the finals. They don’t give a fuck, they’re just here to drink, drive and win tournaments.
the lcl is born
present day
After the hype, success and all-time cataclysmic hype bomb detonation of the Los Changos Invitational, the natural next step was a league. The elders put the bananas out, and the Guinea Baboons grabbed them faster than you could say, “what new human hormone treatment will you be testing on me today?”
Here we are – the Los Changos inaugural league – 30 founding Lion-Tailed Macaques, 25 competitors, 6 tournaments, 5 teams and endless IQ dissolving media content. We’ve even managed to secure the interest of the Dark Chango – prisoner of the Shadow Isles – an ape long lost to the world. He has been keeping us close to the action and reporting dutifully after every match week.
what we are
The short synthesis of our history has hopefully made it clear. We have no idea what we are. We just like to play LoL, and we are very good at being bad at it. We have Panamanian White-Faced Capuchins who have joined the barrel just in time for the inaugural LCL. We also have sexually dimorphic Bonobos who have been playing LoL since before they knew the touch of a real female Emperor Tamarin.
We all know the misery of solo queue – that top laner that thinks he can 1v2 on every gank and has never heard of warding, the mid laner who blames jungles every time he dies on a tower dive, that bot duo that single handedly went 0/15/4 and threw the game, or the jungler who has never seen a dragon before. Sometimes, we are those monkeys, but every time – we’re on mics, hanging out, laughing, chirping and enjoying the company on the rift. We’re on Discord, Whatsapp, Instagram, Youtube, Twitter – we have a fantasy league, a sexy skin line channel, and a Ting-Tailed Lemur named Raw that claims to be challenger Pantheon main (that no one’s ever seen on the rift with their own eyes).
Why solo queue as a miserable human – in constant rage and sexual frustration, when you can Chango queue as a mighty and magnificent Western Lowland Gorilla. Why be John Smith – facing a 50 game chat restriction, when you can be a mighty Black Crested Gibbon, playing tournaments, getting commentary from our very own Geegeezy and lighting up the Los Changos highlight reels? You think you’re not good enough for us? Half these Bald Uakaris play as if they were paraplegic.
So what do you say? Ditch the solo queue – become a Chango – we have bananas.